Make It Lunch. Make It Happen

“We should get together.”

It is a good thought. It is not yet a plan.

There is no day to keep free, no place to go, nothing to put on the calendar. Just two people agreeing that they would like to see each other, then returning to everything that keeps them apart.

The wish has company. In the American Psychological Association’s 2025 Stress in America survey, 54% of adults said they felt isolated, 50% felt left out, and 50% lacked companionship often or some of the time. Those are separate measures, but they point to a familiar gap: wanting connection and having it are not the same thing.

Still, being the one to ask can feel awkward.

Perhaps it has been too long. Perhaps they are busy. Perhaps you have started the message twice and decided to wait for a better reason.

You may not need one.

In experiments involving more than 5,900 people, researchers found that people consistently underestimated how much others would appreciate being contacted. Recipients gave more weight to the pleasant surprise of hearing from someone than the people reaching out expected.

The research studied gestures such as messages and small gifts, not whether someone would accept a lunch invitation. But it offers a reason not to mistake your hesitation for their indifference.

So send the message. Give the wish a shape.

“Lunch Thursday at 12:30? There’s a place near you I’d like to try.”

A day, a time, a place. Something they can answer.

Leave room for another suggestion. The point is to make meeting easier, not to turn an invitation into an obligation. If Thursday does not work, offer another day. If they cannot make plans now, let that be all it means.

Keep the first plan small. One person. One lunch. Somewhere easy to reach.

You do not have to gather the whole group or find a date that suits six calendars. You do not have to make an occasion out of how long it has been.

You just have to begin.

And when you get there, let lunch be lunch.

Order something you want to eat. Put the phone away. Ask a question you have time to hear the answer to. You do not need to account for every month since you last met. Start with the week they are having.

A lunch is not a treatment. It cannot promise to fix a hard season. But it can give you somewhere to say you are in one, to someone who made time to listen.

Or it can be lighter than that. A story. A familiar joke. The pleasure of remembering how easy it is to talk to this person.

Not every meeting has to carry the weight of everything you have missed.

We cook from scratch so there is something worth stopping for. You bring the person you have been meaning to see. Let the food give you a place to start.

Put it on the calendar.

Then go.

“Let’s get lunch” is a good beginning. Actually getting lunch is the good part.

Give the text a time and a place

Order online and take 10% off your first order. Pick up something good to eat, find a table, and make time for the person across from you.

Sources

1. 54% isolated, 50% left out, 50% lacking companionship, often or some of the time. APA, Stress in America 2025: A Crisis of Connection.
2. People underestimate how much others appreciate being contacted, and the role of surprise. Liu, Rim, Min and Min, The Surprise of Reaching Out: Appreciated More Than We Think, 2022.
3. More than 5,900 participants; messages and small gifts. APA, Friends Enjoy Being Reached Out to More Than We Think.